Unnecessary humor

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner."

h/t Steph

AMAC vs. AARP David vs. Goliath

Shameless promotion denouncing AARP
happily reposted by Denney Crane

There are two organizations representing citizens 50 plus. AMAC, the Association of Mature American Citizens has 10’s of thousands of members. AARP has 26 million Members.

The leadership of AARP has proven themselves to be a liberal leaning group that endorsed expensive Obamacare, without the consent of their members.

AMAC (pronounced A- Mack) is one of the leading groups fighting against President Obama’s health care initiative. AMAC has organized “Tea Parties” and participated in rallies against expanding government and raising taxes.

AMAC is pro-life, pro Second Amendment, and thinks government has grown too large and powerful. AMAC feels our elected officials are ignoring the will of the people. The proof of this can be seen in the way Congressmen and Senators have been treating their constituents at the various town hall meetings.

We need more members so we can have more clout with office holders. We need to counter the influence of AARP when they say they are speaking on behalf of Americans aged 50 and over.

AMAC will lead this fight knowing we can win, if you and other patriot Americans stand behind us.

Please go to AMAC.US and sign on as a member. For $12.50/year, you will know we are working on your behalf to stop socialism in America.

David conquered Goliath- and AMAC can beat AARP. Please check out our website and if you agree with us, please tell your friends.

Members receive our magazine and qualify for member discounts on Insurance and other services.

HELP US INFLUENCE CONGRESS

LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD LOUD AND CLEAR!!

Ancient term of the day: Morner

Due to the highly lame pop term of the day, Denney Crane, in his infinite wisdom and sickness, is sharing an old term that still has intrinsic value and meaning.

morner

Sooner that a nooner...

Please feel free to email Denney for the definition of nooner. Attach photo if you would prefer a personal demonstration.

Pop term of the day: shopaholic

shopaholic
a person who can't stop spending money at the mall

Guy #1: Whoa, that girl has like 50 shopping bags!

Guy #2: She's a shopaholic.

Urban Dictionary

Proof that even pros are lame ocassionally.

Men are just happier people

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man...

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

How to fix America's economy

There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg, Florida Times. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!
_____

Dear Mr. President,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1. They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2. They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed.

3. They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes...

Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard.

"Never be afraid to try something new by yourself. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic."

h/t McMike

"Texas Skeet Shoot"

I want this gun badly! I don't think I could afford this particular sport, but I would have to participate in it on occasion if I had the means.

Pop term of the day: Stress to Impress

Stress to Impress

Temporary anxiety caused by the need or want to show off a certain skill in front of a person or group. The skill can usually be attained unless others are watching, causing the stress.

Dude Uno: "Why were you so sloppy at work tonight? You've been washing dishes for 3 years!"

Dude Dos: "Dude, I felt the stress to impress because of that new, hawt salad bar girl working here."

Urban Dictionary

Rambling on…

Zoe Saldana

• If I gave scientists millions and millions of dollars in grants and I let them know I really need studies that prove global warming or change cancer screening, do you think they would oblige me?
  

• If we find out they’re crying wolf on global warming, the flu pandemics, cancer screening, ect… do you think we would believe them if they tried to tell us about a true crisis?
  

• I think I’ve found the new addiction of the decade: taxpayer federal funding

• I’m not sure what to think about the woman who made a bomb threat so her boss could make a flight. Is she loyal, stupid or sleeping with him?
  

• I find it hilarious that an editorial in the Boston Globe declares the [Patrick] Kennedys devout Catholics! I find it most amazing a liberal writer knows more about the spiritual condition of the Church membership than its own leadership.
  

• I just read a prediction that soon our President will lose majority approval of minorities… The horror!
  

• My newest tool has become my favorite tool. I would have never bought it for myself, but I will never again be without a nose hair trimmer.
  

• I firmly believe if healthcare passes, we will all end up with government insurance, like Medicare. I also believe we will have to buy a private supplement policy to pay what government insurance doesn’t… just like Medicare. Available, of course, from AARP.

EDIT: I'm rather embarrassed about all the mistakes I had to correct this morning when I proofread this post. I think I was sleepwalking the rest of the evening after the Cowboy game. Mrs. Crane woke me up several times while writing my ramblings. Turkey and dressing could be a sleeping aid. I will remember not to take Cialis after eating it? I could do more than just sleepwalk.

Happy Thanksgiving

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

h/t McMike

Pop term of the day: turkey bark

turkey bark

Farting after eating turkey.
Dude, did you hear that massive turkey bark of Grandpa's after Thanksgiving dinner.

Urban Dictionary

Thank you Lord for...

Loving me enough to sacrifice Your Son so that I might live forever.

Giving me the ability to share Your love with others so that I may fulfill my purpose here on this earth.

The gift of creating children, so that I might experience a tiny glimpse of Your love for me.

Those members of the human race that make a difference in my life and the lives of others.

The infinite beauty You allow me to witness every day.

Answering prayer.

Providing my every need.

Allowing me and my family to live in a free country.

The men and women who made and continue to make great sacrifices so that I may live in peace and comfort.

Preparing a place for me, so that I might spend eternity with You in paradise.

A picture is worth a thousand words

h/t Truckmonster

Top 10 Country & Western Songs

• 10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.
  
  
• 9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.
  
  
• 8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
  
  
• 7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.
  
  
• 6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win.
  
  
• 5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.
  
  
• 4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.
  
  
• 3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
  
  
• 2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.
  
  And the Number One Country & Western song is...
  
  
• 1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
  

h/t Madman Mango

My hypocrisy led me to run this today instead of tomorrow. It might be my fear of God, I'm not sure... Pray for me anyway!

Our distinguished First Lady exemplifies the dignity and respect of her position in public

h/t JD

Email today from my friend Michelle 0bama:

Tomorrow, many of us will gather around the table with family and friends to give thanks over a feast of turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy -- and let’s not forget pumpkin pie!

But for some in this country, the feast will not be as bountiful. In fact, it won’t be much of a feast at all. Hunger is on the rise in America -- hitting its highest levels in nearly 15 years. A recent report released by the USDA reveals that in 2008 an estimated 1.1 million children were living in households that experienced hunger multiple times over the past year.

To combat hunger this winter, we’re launching, in coordination with the Corporation for National and Community Service and the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the United We Serve: Feed a Neighbor initiative -- a program that empowers you with all the resources you need to mobilize against the hunger crisis in your community. Learn how you can get started today:

Barack and I are committed to doing all we can to end hunger by making food programs more accessible to eligible families. But government can only do so much -- it will take all of us working together to put an end to hunger in America.

That’s why we’ve made it easy for you to get involved at Serve.gov. Find local volunteer opportunities like delivering meals to homebound seniors, offering your professional skills at a food pantry, or planting a community garden and sharing produce with your neighbors. You can also create your own volunteer opportunity using our anti-hunger toolkit.

This holiday season let’s recommit to serving our communities and working together to feed American families. Get started giving back today.

Thank you,

Michelle

First Lady Michelle Obama
The White House




We didn't have pumpkin pie this year due to the shortage...

Contents of a Can of Whoopass

any questions?
h/t Wayland Long

Cash or Christianity You make the call!

The American Family Association is keeping score on which retailers are taking Christ out of Christmas in their advertising. They call it their Naughty and Nice List, and I happen to like it. I’m thankful for free enterprise, which allows me the right to spend my money where I choose.

Companies FOR "Christmas"

updated 11-24-09

Amazon.com

Bath & Body Works

Bed Bath & Beyond

Belk
Big Lots

Books-A-Million

Cabella's

Collective Brands

Costco

Dollar Tree

Family Dollar

Dollar General

H.E.B. Stores

Hallmark

Harris Teeter Stores

Hobby Lobby

Home Depot

JC Penney

JoAnn Fabrics & Crafts Stores

Kmart

Kohl's

Lowe's

Macy's

Meijer

Menard's

Michael's Stores

Neiman Marcus

Petsmart

Pier One Imports

Publix

QVC
Rite Aid

Sears

Super D Drug Stores

Target

Walgreens

Wal-Mart/Sam's Club

Companies marginalizing "Christmas"
updated 11-24-09

Best Buy
Bass Pro Shops
Hancock Fabrics
Hy-Vee Stores
Safeway
Starbucks
Toys R Us
Whole Foods

Companies against "Christmas"

updated 11-24-09

Advance Auto Parts

Aldi

Banana Republic

Barnes & Noble

Best Buy

CVS Pharmacy

Dick's Sporting Goods

Gap Stores

Home Shopping Network

Kroger

Limited Brands

Nordstrom

Office Depot

Radio Shack

Staples

SUPERVALU

Victoria's Secret

Pop term of the day: Trailer Fraud

Trailer Fraud
When a trailer misrepresents the movie it advertises. When you view the actual movie, you see the trailer has nothing to do with the narrative, characters or plot. You are a victim of trailer fraud.

#1 : "Boy that film sucked !"

#2 : "Yeah, wtf did we just watch?"

#1 : "Dunno, the trailer looked good."

Both : "Trailer Fraud!"

Urban Dictionary

Rambling on...

Kristen Wiig

• If I had to list my top 10 least favorite people, this is how it would look: Jihadists/terrorists, politicians, lazy government employees, dentists, lawyers, people who preach (not necessarily religion), prideful people, people who mind everyone’s business, hustlers/cons, goody two shoes. This list is subject to change at any given moment.
  

• What bothers me most about the list is that I’m supposed to pray for these people. It is not an easy thing to do...
  

• Monday, my assistant asked me if she had to work on the coming "black Friday". I replied, "If I say yes, does that make me a racist?" She found no humor in the question.
  

• A buddy of mine employs several Mexican-Americans. He tells them every spring they can have off either Cinco de Mayo or the 4th of July. They always choose July...they must really like how Texican-Americans celebrate!
  

• I'm glad that Silicone Alligator chose Jarhead to be Godfather to her son. You know how particular those Catholics are...about their beer! Anyway, it takes a load off my shoulders knowing it won't be me...just one less kid to put through college.
  

• I remember back in '79 when the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan. Of course, the U.S. took the high ground and supported the Afghan rebels since Russia represented the devil. America made a big mistake getting involved. It's time to get out of there.

• I remember back then, seeing a gold label on some hash that said, "Thank you for supporting the Afghan Rebels". I was so freaked I almost swallowed the bong! I really think they would like us more if America started buying their dope again...
  

• I found myself laughing at the tweet that read, "There are both kinds of liberals in the Democratic Party ~ tax and spend!"
  

• The evolution of man from chimp to getting f++ked up the a$$ makes me sick to my stomach… Am I not supposed to be offended by the banner on the top of this Youtube channel page? Should my kids be allowed to see these sickening images?
  
  

Commercial of the week

h/t GJ

Just how big is a Golden Eagle?

Big enough!







h/t JD

Can you spot the gay terrorist?

Yomama bin Shoppin?

Is this considered "profiling"

AJ you're killin me...

Political Prestidigitation

MSNBC POS Chris Matthews suggests that Sarah Palin supporters are racist.

If they believed their own reporting, they would know conservatives aren't smart enough to be racist. I'm beginning to believe the network is giving a huge holiday bonus to the biggest conservative hater.

When you’re appointed to a Senate seat instead of elected, like Michael Bennett of Colorado, you don’t care what your constituents want.

Senator Bennett doesn’t mind telling the world to go screw themselves either… Do you think he might have a golden parachute?

I watched a commercial during Letterman last night featuring Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison campaigning for Texas Governor. She said she was not resigning as Senator so she can continue fighting government run healthcare, at great political risk.

I can’t blame her, she risks being unemployed if she resigned now. This is the same Senator who chose not to vote to cut off federal housing funds to ACORN.

The unemployment pandemic graph by counties, both cool and uncool!

Of Interest

Nadine Velazquez

So you want to work for Google? Here are 15 of their interview questions to see if you’ve got what it takes…

' “I pay child support to a biologically intact family,” Mike told me, his voice cracking with incredulity. “A father and mother, married, who live with their own child. And I pay support for that child. How ridiculous is that?” '

A Macon area third-grader was suspended from school after he pointed a toy gun at a parent while walking home from school last Thursday.

Even though it’s 15 months old, Sports Illustrated and Victoria’s Secret are still having a battle of the beautiful models poll. Poll still standing strong…

Do you really want to impress your boss? Here are 5 ways! Personally, I would be impressed if employees stopped saying "I can’t" ~ Is that racist?

Here are 10 things not to say when firing an employee

Pop term of the day: moviegating

moviegating
To follow any type of car for any period of time to watch the tv inside of the car

I am moviegating a minivan because it had my favorite movie playing

Urban Dictionary

Rambling on...

• Why do I wait until the “Nook” is sold out before I try to buy one as requested by Mrs. Crane for Christmas? Not a good career move…
  

• Even worse, I blame it on Barnes & Noble for not thinking ahead! Go figure...
  

  ‘A white male was having a psychotic episode. He was tased and transported to Baylor All Saints Medical Center in Fort Worth.’
  

• Now that’s what I’m talking about. When you have excellent insurance, not only does the sheriff’s deputy administer electroshock treatment, but they transport you to a top knotch treatment facility as well.
  

• I thought the whole purpose of universal healthcare was to drive down the cost because it was "unsustainable". The CBO says it will actually increase the cost. I'm sure our leadership will change the "purpose" of universal healthcare now that they were mistaken.
  

• I didn't really know how sick my sense of humor was until I found myself amused by seeing the photo of "Guess who just celebrated 30 days of sobriety". I'm probably gonna burn for that one...
  

• Will someone remind me again why we are giving 9/11 terrorists a civilian trial? They confessed to the crime and requested execution. Is this just another government man -made crisis?
  

• Which brings me to another question. Why aren't American soldiers allowed a civilian trial when accused of wrongful actions against terrorists enemy combatants? Do they not have the same rights as confessed terrorists enemy combatants?
  

• I read a tweet that sent me to a humorously sarcastic blog called Sarah Palin's Uterus. I don't know how long it will take me to process so many levels of biting wit. If you're not up on the MSM Palin haters, don't waste your time.
  

• I don't know that I've ever had a better burrito than Primo's pork & cheese with everything, plus he makes the best green sauce in North Texas. I keep a couple extra in the fridge for the weekend.
  

Speaking of medical exams

~ A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs...and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco

~ At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths.' I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be.' replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr.. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle , WA

~ While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years; when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

~ I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?'

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.' Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly'.

Submitted by Dr.. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit ,

~ A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass'.

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name

~ As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard, 'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ~ 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

Dr. wouldn't submit his name....

h/t Preacher

Hottest kids toys this season

The hottest toys this Christmas for girls is a Hamster and for boys it's the Bakugan Battle Brawlers. You now have my permission to begin fighting over them.

Click to enlarge

Political Pythogenics

Liberals are going totally ape sh@t over a bumper sticker… Psalm 109:8 ‘Let his days be few’

How important is your opinion? That depends on how much you actually know! Here are a few questions that tell us if you can pass 1st grade in current American politics. If you don't ace this, your opinion will only impress yourself, because you probably don't know what you're talking about. Don't feel bad if you don't do well, you have lots of company.

Let me get this straight, TARP & Stimulus have been wasteful and unproductive, there is still around $600 billion in unspent Stimulus, and you want another $500 billion for a jobs bill? ~ Can we hire the Chinese, Japanese or Indian government to run Washington and pay them a commission? When communists warn you about screwing up capitalism, you know something’s wrong!

Looks like the elderly may have to go to Mexico to find a doctor who accepts Medicare

Starting your business is tough, but if you succeed, get ready for the government to regulate, license & tax you.

SNL Video Gold

Reenactment of the Chinese President's
disgruntled lecture to President 0bama
and Congress during his recent trip to China

Of Interest

Leighton Meester

Patient trapped in a 23-year coma was conscious the whole time

So you men wonder what it’s like to go window shopping in Amsterdam’s red light district? ~ It isn't very glamorous, but it never is...

It’s a jungle out there! ~ Get this! Parents are spending lots of dollars to prep their kids for school admissions tests. New clientele, 3- and 4-year-olds, and the school they're prepping for is kindergarden!

Is Lindsay Lohan the new female version of Sean Penn? The menstruating moonbat throws a massive temper tantrum

When kids talk about “jerking”, make sure you know exactly what it means

This was a rather humorous video of a parking brake failure.

Pop term of the day: man chair

man chair

A man chair is the chair that men sit in while their partner is shopping for long periods of time. They can be found in almost any clothing or shoe store. What can we, as men do while our gf's or wives are shopping, we can sit in a man chair.

Honey, Ill go over here and sit in a man chair while you go shop around and meet me here when your done.


Urban Dictionary

Rambling on...

• I tivoed SNL and watched it last night. Al Gore made a guest appearance plugging his book. The cast gave him a plug as well, a butt plug! Oooowheeee, waz up wit dat, waz up wit dat?
  

• Dave Matthews is a great musical performer. He did however, do one of the best impressions of Ozzy Osbourne I have ever seen. I laughed so hard I almost busted a gut...
  

• After many months of contemplation, I have finally come to a conclusion as to why erectile dysfunction medication is so popular. It's far less expensive and trouble than having another woman; but don't quote me on that!
  

• I just watched an ad on channel 8 about "the hidden secrets of sex addiction clinics on the next Oprah". I thought everyone already knew the local nymphomaniacs and man-whores? Do they try and keep their recovery secret?
  

• $300 million to buy a Louisiana Senator's vote on 0bamacare. When did it become acceptable behavior to bribe a U.S. Senator in public? With taxpayer funds I might add...
  

• Please forgive my politically incorrect use of the term taxpayer funds. I'm supposed to say federal funds. They must be federal since the money comes from China.
  

• Only entertainers would ostracize an associate for being a suspected child molester until he died. Then they give him awards and talk about how close they were to him. I guess that's why they call it show business, huh...
  

• Why does Dallas have such a sh!tty offense with such high priced talent? Go ahead, vent
  

• When the President campaigned on the redistribution of wealth, I assumed it was from the rich to the poor, not from America to Europe and Asia.
  

• I posted some pretty uncharacteristic info this weekend. I'm beginning to think I may be bipolar. It could also be my mad cow is kicking in again.

Dis of the Month! Quite possibly the year

This is bad, real bad!

Guess who just celebrated 90 days of sobriety...

h/t Conservative News
dis  [dis] Show IPA verb, dissed, dis⋅sing, noun Slang.

–verb (used with object)
1. to show disrespect for; affront.
2. to disparage; belittle.

–noun
3. insult or disparagement; criticism.

Yea, I was amused, please pray for me. I am grateful that I wasn't the sick sob that thought it up...

I Went To A Party, Mom

I went to a party, Mom
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
so I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
and the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
the kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
this girl is going to die..

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high.
Because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven,
put 'Mommy's Girl' on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter,
Mom I'm getting really scared
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, 'I love you,Mom!'
So I love you and good-bye.

Unknown


h/t Steph

Pop term of the day: PED XING

PED XING
A wealthy Chinese philanthropist who paid large sums of money in order to have his name plastered everywhere, so that people would remember who he was.

"Look there's another Ped Xing sign"

"Oh that Ped Xing, how we'll remember him"

Urban Dictionary

Harold Estes, 95 y/o WWII Vet seems to have a valid point

November 20, 2009

Dear President Obama,

My name is Harold Estes, approaching 95 on December 13 of this year. People meeting me for the first time don't believe my age because I remain wrinkle free and pretty much mentally alert.

I enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1934 and served proudly before, during and after WW II retiring as a Master Chief Bos'n Mate. Now I live in a "rest home" located on the western end of Pearl Harbor allowing me to keep alive the memories of 23 years of service to my country.

One of the benefits of my age, perhaps the only one, is to speak my mind, blunt and direct even to the head man. So here goes.

I am amazed, angry and determined not to see my country die before I do but you seem hell bent not to grant me that wish.
I can't figure out what country you are the president of. You fly around the world telling our friends and enemies despicable lies like: "We're no longer a Christian nation" "America is arrogant" -

(Your wife even announced to the world, "America is mean-spirited." Please tell her to try preaching that nonsense to 23 generations of our war dead buried all over the globe who died for no other reason than to free a whole lot of strangers from tyranny and hopelessness.)

I'd say shame on the both of you but I don't think you like America nor do I see an ounce of gratefulness in anything you do for the obvious gifts this country has given you. To be without shame or gratefulness is a dangerous thing for a man sitting in the White House.

After 9/11 you said," America hasn't lived up to her ideals."

Which ones did you mean?

Was it the notion of personal liberty that 11,000 farmers and shopkeepers died for to win independence from the British?

Or maybe the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man that 500,000 men died for in the Civil War?

I hope you didn't mean the ideal 470,000 fathers, brothers,husbands,and a lot of fellas I knew personally died for in WWII, because we felt real strongly about not letting any nation push us around because we stand for freedom.

I don't think you mean the ideal that says equality is better than discrimination. You know the one that a whole lot of white people understood when they helped to get you elected.

Take a little advice from a very old geezer, young man. Shape up and start acting like an American. If you don't, I'll do what I can to see you get shipped out of that fancy rental on Pennsylvania Avenue. You were elected to lead not to bow, apologize and kiss the hands of murderers and corrupt leaders who still treat their people like slaves.

And just who do you think you are telling the American people not to jump to conclusions and condemn that Muslim major who killed 13 of his fellow soldiers and wounded dozens more. You mean you don't want us to do what you did when that white cop used force to subdue that black college professor in Massachusetts who was putting up a fight? You don't mind offending the police calling them stupid but you don't want us to offend Muslim fanatics by calling them what they are, terrorists.

One more thing. I realize you never served in the military and never had to defend your country with your life but you're the Commander-in-Chief now, son. Do your job. When your battle-hardened field General asks you for 40,000 more troops to complete the mission, give them to him. But if you're not in this fight to win, then get out. The life of one American soldier is not worth the best political strategy you're thinking of.

You could be our greatest president because you face the greatest challenge ever presented to any president. You're not going to restore American greatness by bringing back our bloated economy. That's not our greatest threat. Losing the heart and soul of who we are as Americans is our big fight now. And I sure as hell don't want to think my president is the enemy in this final battle.

Sincerely,
Harold B. Estes
McAlpin , FL

As written on the website of Senator Bill Nelson(D-FL) and notable POS


h/t GJ

Catholic Church breaks communion with Congressman Kennedy

Catholic Church steps up to the plate and bans Rep. Patrick Kennedy from communion. Claims he’s not a ”good practicing Catholic”.

I'm glad the Church has stood its ground, but it is of little comfort knowing I’m not the only hypocritical Christian in America…

I asked God

I asked God to take away my pain. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No. Her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a by-product of tribulations. It isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me. God said, Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.