Unnecessary Humor X 2

HOLISTIC MEDICINE
Ahkmed came to the United States from the Middle East and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arabic doctor who said: "Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."

So, Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked.. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"

The doctor said . . ."You were homesick"


Was that racist?

********************
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel " pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land".

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, " Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land".

Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.

Michael Steele wants me to do what?

Yesterday evening, I came across this piece of mail. It was from RNC Chairman Michael Steele. He asked me to please fill out the 2009 Obama Agenda Survey and mail it back to him with a donation.

While reading the survey, I noticed a couple of questions that seemed out of place.

#1. Do you agree with Barack Obama’s budget plan that will lead to a $23.1 trillion deficit over the next ten years?

Didn’t President Bush create the $3.1 trillion 2009 US budget?

#2. Do you believe the federal government has gone too far in bailing out failing banks, insurance companies and the auto industry?

Didn’t some Republicans vote for TARP & Stimulus?

Mr. Steele, you ask me to support the conservative Republican Party? I see nothing conservative about you or your Party! Just because you are a little further right than Democrats does not make you conservative; it makes you flexible.

So no Mr. Steele, I won’t be filling out your hypocritical survey; nor will I be enclosing a check. What I will do is pray for you and you’re pro-choice, big government, do-anything-to-get-elected political gangsters associates.

DC

Pop term of the day: butter face

butter face
n. A girl who is hot, except for her (but her, butter) face.

If J.Lo had her face torn apart by wild dogs, people would call her a butter face.

My briefing today from the President

Good Morning,

Yesterday, Judge Sonia Sotomayor made her opening statement to the Senate Judiciary Committee and moved another step closer to taking a seat on the United States Supreme Court. In case you missed it, watch the video of her opening statement here:

As President, there are few responsibilities more serious or consequential than the naming of a Supreme Court Justice, so I want to take this opportunity to tell you about the qualifications and character that informed my decision to nominate Judge Sotomayor.

Judge Sotomayor's brilliant legal mind is complemented by the practical lessons that can only be learned by applying the law to real world situations.

In the coming days, the hearings will cover an incredible body of work from a judge who has more experience on the federal bench than any incoming Supreme Court Justice in the last 100 years. Judge Sotomayor's professional background spans our judicial system — from her time as a big-city prosecutor and a corporate litigator, to her work as a federal trial judge on the U.S. District Court, and an appellate judge on the Second Circuit Court of Appeals.

And then there is Judge Sotomayor's incredible personal story. She grew up in a housing project in the South Bronx — her parents coming to New York from Puerto Rico during the Second World War. At the age of nine, she lost her father, and her mother worked six days a week just to put food on the table. It takes a certain resilience and determination to rise up out of such circumstances, focus, work hard and achieve the American dream.

This character shined through in yesterday's opening statement: Watch the video.

In Judge Sotomayor, our nation will have a Justice who will never forget her humble beginnings, will always apply the rule of law, and will be a protector of the Constitution that made her American dream and the dreams of millions of others possible. As she said so clearly yesterday, Judge Sotomayor's decisions on the bench "have been made not to serve the interests of any one litigant, but always to serve the larger interest of impartial justice."

In anticipation of today's first round of questioning, I hope you'll share this email widely, because Judge Sotomayor's confirmation is something that affects every American. It's important for these hearings to be about Judge Sotomayor's own record and her capacity for the job — not any political back and forth that some in Washington may use to distract you. What members of the Judiciary Committee, and the American people, will see today is a sharp and fearless jurist who does not let powerful interests bully her into breaking from the rule of law.

Thank you,
Barack Obama

More political pondscum...

Lear union members in Arlington told 500 employees to go home…they were being replaced by temporary workers. How’s that change working out for you?

Texas reports another drop in sales tax … so now that we are short $500 million, where will they get it?

Green energy in Austin, Texas costs 3 times as much as conventional energy, and they wonder why it won’t sell…

0bama 7/2/09 ~ Recovery will take months… *** 0bama 7/12/09 ~ Recovery will take years… Do you think this guy has a clue about what he’s doing and what’s going on? The next sentence gives the reason why...

US deficit passes $1 trillion for the first time ever! Blame it on Bush! Okay, I concede that Bush is partially to blame...

In New Hampshire, which got $416 million Stimulus dollars, officials have proudly announced that the money has created jobs — 50 of them, to be exact. Only 34 of them are full time. $8.32 million each… what a bargain!

2010 Campaign Slogan: “Irresponsible Leadership for an Unsustainable Future”

Palin Rails On 0bama

Sarah Palin rails on obama in the Washington Post! You go girl! Here are a few of her statements:

'Our nation's debt is unsustainable, and the federal government's reach into the private sector is unprecedented.

I am deeply concerned about President Obama's cap-and-trade energy plan, and I believe it…would undermine our recovery…and would inflict permanent damage.

Job losses are so certain under this new cap-and-tax plan that it includes a provision accommodating newly unemployed workers from the resulting dried-up energy sector, to the tune of $4.2 billion over eight years.

As the president eloquently puts it, their electricity bills will "necessarily skyrocket."

We are ripe for economic growth and energy independence if we responsibly tap the resources that God created right underfoot on American soil.

We have an important choice to make. Do we want to control our energy supply and its environmental impact? Or, do we want to outsource it to China, Russia and Saudi Arabia? Make no mistake: President Obama's plan will result in the latter.'

She may not be very smart, like our President; but she's not stupid either...

UPDATE: The Huffington Post is really pissed off about it!

“She has no authority to write an article like this and the Post has no business running one.”

What's the matter liberals? You can't take it near as well as you give it!!!

DIVERSITY: How Wise County government spends taxdollars

City of Bridgeport looks to waste spend $54 million on useless crap, not on basic services or infrastructure to benefit taxpayers!

The costs to construct these monumental mistakes are nothing compared to the cost of operation and maintenance, but that’s what city management wants… more employees! Sadly, city council members have no business experience and base their decisions on the city manager's recommendations. Since oil field sales tax revenue is way, way down, guess who will end up paying for it? As always, property owners & electricity customers!

In economic hard times, why does everyone curb spending except those entities that use tax revenue? Don't they understand that every dollar they spend is one less dollar the taxpayer can use...and in hard times, that's a big deal! But go ahead fellows, continue your betterment of Bridgeport, there's plenty of rural property to move to!

What's even more disturbing, when the people vote against spending the money, members of the council and school board CONTINUE to try and figure out a way to get it passed! To hell with what the people want, your leaders know what's best for you and your community...

After 2 years to plan, Wise County commissioners approve new animal shelter to house 88 dogs and 24 cats when 2 years ago they were picking up 100 – 150 dogs a month.

Simple arithmetic tells me they will be giving away or destroying 150 dogs a month… Now this is advance government planning if I ever heard it... BTW, I have no problem with them putting strays down. Since the county has a new patrol boat, maybe they can take the carcasses to Lake Bridgeport and sink them... fish gotta eat too... sort of green recycling program... Liberals should love it!

I remember how my grandfather's neighborhood took care of these unwanted pests animals; there was no need for animal control shelters back in the day. It was much more difficult dealing with bugs than stray animals.

Texas Sheriff's Deputy VS New York Lawyer

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats.

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

The bizarre, fascinating & sickening

10 Fascinating Facts About Sex …penguin prostitution?!?!?

So, how much do you really know about your dreams?

World’s top 10 evil women ! This is some really messed up stuff!

Real human freak slideshow… I’m much happier with my appearance after checking this out!

Bizarre Mental Disorders… and I just thought I had problems!

Unbearable working conditions...

...and union workers think
they have it rough!

Reasons for kneeCap & beTrade continue to grow and grow. Now it's for global governance!

Mr Gore keeps changing his Nobel Prize winning reasoning.

Kneecap & betrade bill ~ a forthright and physically descriptive term for the Waxman-Markey Bill aka "cap & trade bill" meant to bend the public over and take their money in the name of global warming ~ climate change ~ carbon emissions ~ oil dependence ~ pollution ~ the environment ~ job creation ~ global governance.

Who can guess what his next reason will be?

A cure for cancer...?

Political pondscum...

0bama says Stimulus worked as promised intended… ~ …lies, built upon lies! What happened to producing jobs and prosperity?

Comparison: Bush’s failed economic policies saw 23.8% growth in 6 months after recession, Obama’s policies saw -5.2% ~ …that’s what happens when government takes control of private enterprise! You ain’t seen bad yet, but it’s a comin…

Reverse on sunlight at the White House… Not only are they not posting legislation on their website 5 days in advance as our a President promised, no body even gets to read it until it becomes law. Talk about Carte Blanche!

Repealing the 22nd Amendment, a matter of enhancing democracy… Change you can believe in!

The new Czar for the White House Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs wants to curb free speech on the internet… this guy also oversees the EPA and OSHA. “Czar is too mild a word for what Sunstein is about to become.”

When participating in an unpopular administration, it’s best to either create a diversion, blame someone else or both…

White House lawyers prepping Sotomayor for Senate confirmation hearings… Judging from previous performances, I think they may suggest she tell them what they want to hear, smile and be a proud Latina.

Pop term of the day: air jerk

air jerk
Making a 'jerking off' motion with one's hand to express disgust, disinterest or disbelief, while simulatenously rolling one's eyes. Similar to concept of playing air guitar.

I think she's pissed. She just gave me an air jerk and walked away.

Of Interest

Ever seen a squirrel get his head stuck in a yogurt cup?

Another Jesus freak makes a run for it…

Vodka Shot Tricks… takes practice

I definitely got to get me one of these!

Latest Facebook thing, the Lying Down Game

Pop term of the day: march of dimes

march of dimes
A procession or gathering of attractive females.

Guy at mall: "Man, look at those women, it's a regular march of dimes."

And you thought John McCain wasn't cool

Left believes Vatican Out of Touch

" Catholics must let the pope and other members of the church hierarchy know that the Vatican is out of touch, the teachings flawed and people suffer as a result. "

Change

Movie Revue/Warning: "Bruno"

Mrs. Crane and I went to Southlake to see the movie, “Bruno” this afternoon after she watched the trailers on the Internet. I didn’t ask what it was about, or even care for that matter… but that will never happen again!

The first thing I found odd was the theatre employees were asking for IDs at the ticket booth and at the movie entrance. That should have been the first red flag, but I just thought it part of the ritzy area we chose to grace. Now, I realize that every spirited high school kid in the nation will be trying to get in to see this insanely extreme attempt of comedy!

An accurate description/review was "Balls~Out Revolutionary", since his shaven and waxed package was hanging out most of the movie. Sexual & racial overtones of the highest magnitude plagued the screen. I sum up this carnage with 4 words: shocking, perverse, disturbing & hilarious.

As funny as it was, my first recommendation is: don’t go see it! If you feel you must witness this highly offensive folly, I urge you to get smashed before going. It had flashes of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Talladega Nights, The Nevada Bunny Ranch and David does Darell.

It was obvious that the guest stars who appeared were clueless as to the agenda of the director/actor aka Sacha Baron Cohen aka Borat. He made Paula Abdul’s publicist so angry that they blurred his face since he probably wouldn’t permit them to show him in the film. Christians, Muslims, Ministers, homosexuals, actors, a US Senator and people from Alabama and Arkansas were unknowingly denigrated, insulted, exploited and offended in this disgustingly staged reality drama. Jerry Springer X 100

I am a pretty open-minded individual when it comes to sex and comedy, but I felt a bit like Eminem when he got a face full of Cohen's crotch. A man must be very secure in his sexuality to keep from walking out of the theatre.

Mrs. Crane laughed uncontrollably. I found myself unable to catch my breath a few times. I am far from a prude, but this was as "over the top' as it gets. Personally, as funny as it was, I think the world would be a better place if this movie was never made.

Lastly, if your child is under 18 and asks you to take him/her to see it, DO NOT! As a matter of fact, don't even let them go to a movie with a friend without saying "no" to this show. Even as an educated adult, I had trouble grasping the sexually satirical behavior. This will probably become a very popular cult comedy film of the lowest order. I'm not going to mince words concerning the content and consequence of “Bruno”. Cohen is repulsive!

But, as always, I could be wrong,

Denney Crane