A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.
"Good man," the fairy said, "I've been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children."
The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."
The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and...
He had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
"What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go."
The refugee now got bolder, "I need a big house with a three-car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here"
In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three-car garage, a long driveway, and a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.
"One more wish," said the fairy, waving her wand.
"Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero. And I want to have white skin like Americans!" demanded the refugee.
--- PING! –--
The man was transformed - wearing worn-out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt, and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.
"What happened to my new teeth?" he wailed. "Where is my new house?"
The fairy said: "Tough shit, Amigo, now that you are a white American, you have to fend for yourself."
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
"There’s a guy selling fish. He’s got a fish cart. He’s cooking fish. And there’s a watermelon stand and then there’s an electronic store right next to it, and people are everywhere. And I’m sitting in traffic and I’m going, ‘Man, this is unbelievable.’ That’s a victory parade for me."
Col. Roger Cloutier, on conditions in Baghdad.
I'm following a blog I found recently of a buddy of mine who tells things exactly the way he sees it. Although, I do like unpretentious people who speak true Texan and practice what they preach. I think you might find Around The Corner From Over There quite entertaining. I do...
For my fellow sick, twisted, terroristic, Christian Texans, I just was informed that our great state hosts the largest cross in the world. Of course, size doesn't matter. Ask any exceptionally polite woman.
It makes me sick that our government would endict Roger Clemens for perjury for his testimony to Congress, but they let a piece of shit like Bill Clinton off...
Baseball players' testimony must be much more important than our President's... talk about a double standard! Sunzabiches!
I have to take my hat off to both Coulter and this conservative gay group for sticking up for their stance on conservativism and not bowing to the pressure from both sides of the aisle.
I just realized that the terms, "sticking up" & "bowing to" may not have been the most appropriate for that particular post...
Staying with that train of thought, leave it to a kid at the University of Texas to come up with a photoshoot of the Ass~entials of Surfing. Helps me to appreciate all the different beaches...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
I finally realized yesterday that my keyboard had become quite unsightly. If I noticed it, there's no telling how long it had been that way. So, I took a wet washrag and washed it really good and clean.
Unfortunately, the “T” key did not survive the process. I even popped the key off and worked with it for a few minutes.
After considering the price of a new keyboard in relation to my time and serenity, I gently unplugged it and slung it violently into the hallway where it bounced around and made great noise. Proudly, I smiled and announced, “I have always wanted to do that”.
Then I went and picked up the keyboard and considered slamming it across the back of a chair in the lobby. I looked at my assistant before performing this obstinate act when she stated, “It will probably break the chair.”
I realized she was probably right, so I quietly put it in the trash. Cheerily I went back into my office and plugged in a brand new, perfectly clean, sixteen dollar Microsoft keyboard and typed the “t” that helped create the entire escapade.
For some odd reason, no one came into my office the rest of the day. They chose to use the intercom instead…
The moral of this story: A $16 keyboard is a small price to pay for peace of mind and not being bothered at work. Good times!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
China has long been known as the land of fakes -- Rolexes, DVDs, handbags and designer clothes. Add a new one to the list: fake virgins.
WARNING! You can’t unsee this!
Dr. Laura pulls an Imus and quits her show after using the N word several times. Her famous last words are priceless... "Don't NAACP me."
This may be the way to get an extended vacation and a tremendous boost in ratings after the smoke clears... May have to substitute the word "smart" in SFC...
Speaking of SFCs, the mother of this infant was just pictured in Webster’s Dictionary as the latest example of the phrase. They’re also getting ready to use her photo next to the term “jailbird” as well!
Okay, so the feds gave $10 billion in stimulus to schools so they can rehire teachers they had to lay off; but now the money’s in the bank, they keep it there and don’t rehire them… that is