The sensation you get that you will abruptly fall asleep at any moment during the day due to trying to watch as much of the Olympics as you can the night prior, causing you to stay up way too late. A seasonal disorder, occuring in winter or summer only, and is of brief duration (around 2 weeks), and usually occurs in even numbered years. VCR, TiVO or other recording device is the only known remedy.
Jim: "Boy, look at John. He is drooling all over his spreadsheets and computer and he even had 3 cups of coffee. What do you think is wrong with him?"
Jane: "I don't know, but I think he may have Olympic Narcolepsy trying to see the Jamaican bobsled team medal. It was the last event last night."
Saturday, February 20, 2010
1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.
3. Click to send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Click to Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you:
'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better?
Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi!
Friday, February 19, 2010
If you think it’s hard to live in Bridgeport these days, try making your home where the misery index is the worst in America …
I’m not much on the way kids abbreviate in their text messages, but this one won $60,000 in a texting contest. So much for promoting bad habits…
Your private information is safe in the USA! Maybe… probably… not really! But we want it anyway.
So you’re bar hopping, feeling a little tipsy driving to the next watering hole but run your truck into a light pole… do you take the pole with you
Thursday, February 18, 2010
It's the perfect response when you haven't been listening at all.
It works whether the other person has been saying something funny, or sad, or infuriating, or boring....
Them: 'my girlfriend dumped me last night'
You (thirsty, not paying attention): 'oh man, that's crazy'
Them: 'I won 500 bucks at craps last weekend'
You (hungry, daydreaming about a tasty sandwich, not listening): 'wow, that's crazy'
If you want to watch a small-town, knock-down, drag-out over city politics, here's an ongoing thread that's getting juicy. You can't buy entertainment this good.
I bet you didn’t know Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal became a major stockholder in Fox's parent company and he has been able to influence its news content.
"He himself said, 'I just had to make a phone call to [tell them to] stop using the word Muslim' regarding the rioting in France," Shoebad notes. "Bill O'Reilly says to Ibrahim Hooper, the head of the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), that he is an upstanding citizen. Since when was the head of CAIR an upstanding citizen?" he wonders.
If you enjoy the humor of small town events, you will thoroughly enjoy the Wise County Sheriff Department’s report. I do find it odd that for a county our size, the report is relatively small. I guess they stay busy doing other stuff instead of writing reports.
2L’s Smokeshow posted a great video of a 67 year old man not taking any crap from a black man. When he attacks the old man, he gets a good country ass whoopin. Makes me proud to be an American. We don't take shit from anyone; regardless of race, creed, religion, nationality or sexual preference...
As sick as I get reading Ken Hughes’ many letters to the editor in the Messenger, I must admit I did enjoy his wife, Diane’s letter this week. I think Ken wants his own column in the paper; but if she had a column, I would read it regularly.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
When someone won't stop talking (usually about a subject you have no interest in). The talker has verbally forced you to stand there there and listen, even though you have given many clues that you have checked out. Examples: vacant stares, looking at your watch, checking your phone, answering in short one word phrases.
Girl 1 : So then I realized my cat really likes Meow Mix more than Frisky's but only if I mix it with Fancy Feast.
Girl 2: (Stares blankly)
Girl 1: Unless of course it's Chicken Livers from 9 Lives, Snowball loves that. It's her favorite.
Girl 2: Uh-huh.
Girl 1: Of course on her birthday I give her the good stuff, real tuna!
Girl 2: (Thinks screw this, verbal handcuffs)
Even the famous get burned. Scarlett Johannson is on track to lose over $2 million on the sale of her home …if it sells!
Here’s your bummer for the day, some expenses that aren’t tax deductible. I expect this list to grow much larger in the near future.
What happens when your dog hitches a ride 1,200 miles to find you on vacation?
Do you really care how Texas politicians stack up when it comes down to the issues? Here they are…
Greece has set the standard for tax reform. In 2011, cash transactions over $1,500 Euros is illegal. Transaction fee heaven for bankers…
You tell me… does this look like the police let the dog attack and then planted dope on this guy?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
A game played by tired people. In short, one person yawns and then the other person does. Should the original yawner yawn twice before the second person yawns once, player one has one point.
We played tweleve rounds of yawn pong last night.
The Winter Olympics are great this year. Team USA is in rare form and the TV coverage is excellent. Every 20 years or so it seems they are overshadowed with tragedy; this is one of those years.
Dick Cheney may be a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. If Joe Biden thinks he can win a war of words against him, he will only confirm his stupidity, which has been suspect for quite some time.
Hotter than Georgia asphalt? Scientists have created the hottest temperature ever in the lab -- 4 trillion degrees Celsius
A newly identified and little understood species of big cat in Borneo, the Sundaland clouded leopard, has been filmed for the first time.
It took 5 months before a Prague woman found out the reason for her pain. Doctors left a foot long instrument in her abdomen during her surgery.
I try to be open minded about many things, but I don’t think I will ever accept jewelry made of live, moving bugs. I have been made to eat my words on occasion…
Is this the future of the portable computer?
Monday, February 15, 2010
How about an amazing trip down memory lane? Sadly, I remember some of those days…
If you lack the motivation to watch the Winter Olympics, Asylum has posted 10 hotties to keep an eye on. I only counted 7, but what do I know…
We have winner! The tramp stamp champion! NSFW! Imagination is one thing, but some tattoo artists are borderline psychotic
How would you feel if your 41 year old mother posed for Playboy? I guess you could write a bestseller, "My Momma Is A Ho"
For future reference, here are 50 ways to leave your lover that Paul Simon didn’t cover. The last one is as cold as I have ever witnessed!
If you think Abu Ghraib was bad, see what the Taliban did to their own women …
Is there any place in Texas that wearing this dress would be appropriate?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
A way of giving someone a birthday card without actually giving them a card. Verbal Cards are recited orally and are usually made up on the spot, but can be planned out in advance. They are better than normal cards for many reasons mainly that they can be personalized. The only downfalls to a Verbal Card is that you can't put money in them, and don't have any funny pictures. They can however include singing.
Tom- Here's your present Sara!!
Sara- um thanks, is there a card?
Tom- VERBAL CARD!!!
"Happy Birthday Sara!
I Hope You Have A Great Day!"
Sara- Oh Tom! You shouldnt have!
Tom- Anything for you my love!