Which one could you pull off?
And the best of all!
There is nothing so comfortable as money, - but nothing so defiling if it be come by unworthily; nothing so comfortable, but nothing so noxious if the mind be allowed to dwell upon it constantly. If a man have enough, let him spend it freely. If he wants it, let him earn it honestly.
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Please find enclosed a monk's costume.. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
We have TRIED our very BEST!
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
I felt pretty bad the other day when someone inferred I was destroying our small town by running a "Rumor Mill".
Today, the Wise County Messenger Update confirmed part of the rumors the kids have been sharing with parents and the community at large. I will withhold my thoughts on the subject until the police have finished their investigation.
Edit: It has come to my attention that the mother of a student at BHS went to the Bridgeport Police Department today and they supposedly told her that my blog made more of the story than what it turned out to be. In actuality, I was told the story by a student at BHS. The following day, a different student told the same story...
I reported the story as a rumor asking for someone to confirm it. I don't think I was out of line in asking questions. Lord help us if we question the actions of the school's administration or the police. Obviously, parents are on a need to know basis; death threats must not be important enough for us to need to know.
your local "f'ing tool",
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."
So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
NOW slowly, let it sink in. Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter.
Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY.... during the Carter Administration?
Didn't think so!
Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency...the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember!
It was very simple...and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.
The Department of Energy was instituted on 8-04-1977.
TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL!
Hey, pretty efficient, huh???
AND NOW IT'S 2009 -- 32 YEARS LATER -- AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS "NECESSARY" DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE! THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?"
Ah, yes -- good ole bureaucracy.
AND, NOW, WE ARE GOING TO TURN THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY OVER TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT?
HELLOOO! Anybody Home?
"Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it, right is right even if no one is doing it." ~ St. Augustine
A person obsessed with the minutiae of bartending practices and traditions, especially regarding the preparation of mixed drinks.
"Their cold gin flip was fairly authentic, but it really should be made with cubed ice, not crushed."
"You are such a cocktail weenie."
The latest rumor floating around Bridgeport High School students is that a BHS student was sporting a death list and planning to bomb and shoot up the school. Reportedly, the Bridgeport Police went to his home and confiscated guns and other weapons.
Inquiring minds need to know, so feel free to set the record straight...
QUESTION: In our free enterprise system, is racism illegal, even if they reserve the right to refuse service to anyone?
Oh, and by the way, who would have guessed that Stimulus contracts would go to companies under criminal investigation?
FBI report the rescued more than 50 children from prostitution during a nationwide operation. Arrested nearly 700 in the process.
People, including politicians, are considered Cafeteria Catholics when they side with the government over the Church. 0bamacare abortion proponents are no exception.
In 1965 Dr. Peter Witt gave drugs to spiders and observed their effects on web building. This short film about the results of the experiment was created by First Church Of Christ, Filmmaker.
If you're one of the 21 million who have watched this video, as I have, you might find it just as interesting as the first time you watched it.
Speaking of executive bonuses, “The government-controlled mortgage finance company [Freddie Mac] is giving CFO Ross Kari compensation worth as much as $5.5 million. That includes an almost $2 million cash signing bonus and a generous salary that could top $2.3 million.”
Is this the future of government healthcare in America? Huge lines of waiting outside in the rain to get a flu shot... or will politicians continue to blame the immoral profits made by health insurance companies?
White House confronts the U.S. Chamber of Commerce … that leads me to the question, who is the White House not confronting?
I spent 2 hours and 24 minutes Friday evening watching a disturbing documentary by Alex Jones called The Fall of the Republic. I will probably watch it several more times to validate some of the information it asserts. Every time I start thinking Alex Jones is not a nut, something like this happens.