Saturday, September 19, 2009
the part of the shirt located just below the chin one uses to filter foul odors, instinctually used when in uncleanly bathrooms, or after a destructive passing of gas (fart, chemical attack)
1. Duuude... that truck stop restroom was so narsty i had to use my shirt mask just to take a piss.
2. that fart was so pungent that my shirt mask was the only protection i had
Every Thursday I get an email from dfw.com , a Star Telegram website, which let’s me know what’s going on in the Metroplex for the weekend. I read a restaurant review that sparked my curiosity to the extent where I loaded up Mrs. Crane and another couple and drove them to a hole in the wall eating joint named “Tequila Rain”.
I chose not to tell anyone where we were going since the location on West Pipeline in Hurst is not known as cracker friendly. Trusting the Star Telegram and the snub nose 38+P Taurus Mrs. Crane carries in her SUV, I listened as my passengers expressed their concern about what I was getting them into this time.
Do yourself a favor, check this place out before you have to stand in line an hour for a table. Tequila Rain serves Mexican food, not Tex-Mex, so be prepared for a more spicy cuisine than we get locally.
Words that come to mind: simple, clean, relaxed, friendly, authentic and inexpensive. The atmosphere is unpretentious and a little loud. It occupies a relatively small area but provides their guests large tables, huge portions, slow service and fantastic food!
They were trying to shoot a low budget commercial while we were there, so we ducked for cover occasionally. I’m not sure if it was because we were a little overdressed or that we ordered half the menu. One thing is certain, you must bring a healthy appetite.
If you want to be the famous fine food guru of your group, or it’s your turn to buy and you want to get out cheap, Tequila Rain is worth the effort…
Friday, September 18, 2009
The evolution of the American Cougar in photo slideshow... wooof!
On the flip side, here are the 25 most famous whipped men in the world… and no, they were afraid to list Brad Pitt!
Obnoxious way to interrupt someone and steal their moment, while wryly mocking that media train wreck that is Kanye West.
Based on West's instantly infamous interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards for Best Female Video with his insane microphone-stealing shout out to Beyonce.
Bob: Thank you Mr. Brown for having us in to give this sales presentation. We'd like to talk to you today about...
Alfred: Yo, Bob, I'm really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but I just got to say our product is is one of the best products there is!
Okay ladies, if you’re looking for a passionate man, here’s one on this dating video.
Have these brownies been out of your control or possession?
FBI agent sacrifices career for hot Hollywood actress Linda Fiorentino
So, you think you’re a CSI tough guy? Then check out this crispy critter…
A true redneck BBQ grill!
The Future of Human Enhancement …a very interesting read
Thursday, September 17, 2009
If you need a good laugh read the following. He tells it like it is. I read it twice.
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence.. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.
It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all...
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
Time stood still.
The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.
It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.....but Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.
This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.
There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
1. Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2. I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3. Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
4. My left eye will not open.
5. My right eye will not close.
6. The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
7. My cahoneys are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
8. I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow...
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
AJ, you're killing me...
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her the color and that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
His wife overhearing their conversation said to him... "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately.."
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed her a $10.00 tip.
Thank you!! she said, "And by the way, "the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus
Our President’s liberal leftist supporters don’t like what he’s doing to our country.
Did you get your competitor’s permission to open your business?
Baseball, hotdogs, apple pie and Harley Davidson outsourcing to India
The HealthReform.gov website wants you to select your state and see how health insurance reform will help you…
The Justice Department has declared that President Obama can disregard a law forbidding State Department officials from attending United Nations meetings led by representatives of nations considered to be sponsors of terrorism. . .
A piece of jewelry, typically a ring, that is purchased for a girlfriend in an effort to make her happy after you have made her angry.
A: Wow, your girlfriend is pretty pissed that you were out all night and didn't call her. What are you going to do?
B: Yeah, you're right, she's pretty mad. I might have to buy her an 'enragement ring' to smooth things over.
The wealthy lesbians living next door asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
Does this make me a male chauvinist pig?
Some of the most beautiful and bizarre places to swim on earth.
Dating websites can make for meeting really interesting men. If you don't believe me, check out this video montage!
Son hugs mom, then stabs her in the back with a kitchen knife.
Have you ever seen the abandoned WW II star wars architecture known as the Maunsell Sea Fort Towers?
This is what happens when stunts go wrong.
I have been rated a “bobbing bobcat” in this reaction time test. Only tried once… Ave time: 0.2904 seconds
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
h/t Gateway Pundit
In a run-down part of East London recently, a fire destroyed a dilapidated four storey house that had been divided into four flats.
A Nigerian family of six internet con artists and full time benefit cheats lived on the first floor, and all six tragically perished in the fire.
A group of seven Islamic welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor, and they too, all perished in the fire.
Six Albanian, gang banger, ex-cons - all claiming political asylum and living off the state for free occupied the 3rd floor and they too, die.
And one middle aged British white couple lived on the top floor. They miraculously survived the fire.
The Equal Opportunities Commission, Amnesty International, Human Rights activists, black community leaders and the British Islamic Council were all furious at the apparent racial inequality of the situation. Why were just the British white couple saved?
It was monstrous they claimed, and showed that systemic 'racism' still existed in all areas of public service - questions were raised in the House of Commons, the popular media picked up the story and within hours it was national and indeed international news.
Boris Johnson - Mayor of London, when questioned stated calmly that it would be unwise to jump to conclusions until the Police and Fire Service had completed their report. He closed by stating that he expected their initial assessment would be available within the next 36 hours - so perhaps it would be best to let the experts gather the evidence and report back before he commented any further.
The baying Press pack subsequently reported the interview in such way as to infer that the Mayor was indifferent to suffering and was out of touch with the feelings of the whole East London community!
A large motorcade of representatives from all five groups, together with Jacquie Smith - the Home Secretary, drove to the area and demanded a meeting with the local chief fire officer.
They made sure that a large pack of popular Press and TV had been briefed on the visit and so the motorcade was met by a huge gaggle of journalists, TV interviewers and cameras.
On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Africans, Black Muslim and Albanians all died in the fire and only the white couple lived.
The chief fire officer quietly replied:- "They were at work."
First, Joe Wilson was out of line when he said "You lie" during the President's speech. He broke the rules of the House and owed the President an apology.
On the flip side, he said it to his face; not behind his back! I have to respect that. The President could have responded to the outburst and prove to the nation that he wasn't lying. He could have made Wilson look ignorant, but he didn't... Wilson happened to be right.
Furthermore, when the Democratic party sat booing President Bush during his speech in the House, I thought it appalling. I felt the same way when Republicans booed President 0bama the other night. I do not believe this the time or place for our political leadership to express disapproval of our elected leader.
I believe the pot is calling the kettle black. The Democrats started this behavior, so they shouldn't cry about it when they reap what they sew! If they condemn Joe Wilson, they should condemn those mentioned below for their unpatriotic behavior as well. While they're at it, they should investigate a few other political peers for their questionable corrupt behavior...
Bush a liar on House floor
“President Bush is a liar. He betrayed Nevada and he betrayed the country. ” Harry Reid (D-NV)
Here’s what Reid said when Tim Russert challenged him on the civility of this comment: " [P]eople may not like what I said, but I said it, and I don’t back off one bit ."
"The president is a liar. Dick Cheney, the chief architect of the Big Lie, is not only a liar, he is a thief ." Maxine Waters (D-CA) Pappastax
When one or more intoxicated individuals either physically or verbally spars, and the next day they agree to forget about it since they were drunk.
Nikki: "I bet Joe was mad about me yelling and hanging up on him last night when i was wasted."
Kristin: "He was blitzed too. He said forget about it - it's beer under the bridge."
Want to make sure the indigent (including illegal aliens) are given appropriate health care treatment? This doctor may have a common sense answer…
Uh Oh! Another police chief behind bars in North Texas!
A white high school kid was beaten on a Belleville West bus by a group of black students. His crime -- He sat in the wrong seat… Don't expect this to make any national headlines.
Stupid is as stupid does!
Why do I enjoy a fight when the guy who starts it get’s his a$$ whupped?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
This is a very, very lucky sportsman. The guy is shooting a .50 CAL. Watch the dust in front of him when he fires...
The target, a steel plate, was 1000 yards (3000 feet) away. You can hear the ping of the hit, and then the bullet comes back and hits the earmuffs on his head. The footage is amazing. You can hear the bullet as it tumbles through the air on its course back toward the shooter.. He's lucky it hit the dirt first.. He is okay, and obviously very lucky. The bullet grazed his temple.
Turn the sound up...you can hear the bullet head back. Watch in full screen to see it better... What a difference a half an inch makes!
The United States government lie to China? ~ ~ No way!!! Just who do those commies think we are? Our government never lies!!!
“Not only does it violate WTO rules, it contravenes commitments the US government made at the [April] G20 financial summit.” Chen Deming, China’s minister of commerce."In the U.S. and many other countries, the too-big-to-fail banks have become even bigger," said Nobel-Prize winning economist Joseph Stiglitz in an interview with Bloomberg . "The problems are worse than they were in 2007 before the crisis." ~ ~ That's not what the President said Monday!!!
Tom Owens, director of communications for the AFL-CIO's Building and Construction Trades Department in Washington, D.C. wrote that VW is building the plant while Tennessee is in a recession and "they resort back to their dark [Nazi] past by making use, and exploiting, a predominantly foreign work force that some eyewitnesses say is 80 percent non-English-speaking Latino.” ~ ~ I didn’t think Union officials were supposed to be racist?
According to uninformed Washington sources, under the multi-billion-dollar Cash for Caps program being discussed, American residents who qualify (including illegal immigrants) will receive personalized instruction for up to six weeks on precisely how to properly position a visored cap to protect the face against the harmful sun's ruthless rays.
A term for a person who is facetiously joking about how important / cool / awesome they are.
"Yeah, so that was me closing a huge deal yesterday... I am kind of a big deal in commercial real estate!"
Possibly the cruelest practical joke of all time.
Fake photoshopped pictures passed off as real.
Terrorists blow themselves up planting a roadside bomb…couldn’t have happened to a nicer group of people.
I happen to agree with the President, Kanye West is a "jackass"! I now find myself in uncharted territory...
U S Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, who represents Wise County, chose not to vote to cut off federal housing funds to ACORN. That’s interesting!
Do women wear revealing tops to promote boob stares?
Oh, did you ever see the video where Angelina Jolie got naked for real?
Monday, September 14, 2009
felt it worthy to post!
Your attitude towards life defines not only who you are, but the quality of life you are after.
Whatever it is that has been bugging you, doesn't seem so bad anymore, does it? If only we all could have the spirit that this little boy has!
“I will not sign it if it adds one dime to the deficit, now or in the future, period.” Uh, Mr. President, you don’t actually sign bills into law, you only have the power to veto them…
"If there were truth-in-labeling laws for Congress, it would be required to call this bill TonySopranoCare." This Forbes writer infers the President is flipping off Americans...
JEFFERSON COUNTY — The Jefferson County sheriff has offered a stern response to a woman complaining she was inconvenienced by a [funeral] procession accompanying a soldier's casket. h/t The Donald
h/t Dr. Dave
"Rep. Wilson’s remarks were racist, disrespectful, and a disingenuous violation — not only of President Obama — but to the institution of the presidency and only solidified our position and the importance in not spending black dollars where black people are not respected."
Apply for your Racecard today! Liberals don’t leave home without it!
President 0bama’s speech interrupted by Kanye West on video…
1. A promotion without a raise or bonus.
2. During the recession of 2009, employers have embarked on a new trend of giving promotions to employees (e.g. by adding more responsibility to their current position or new job title) but not giving the employee any monetary compensation for it (e.g. no raise, no bonus).
My boss gave me a no-motion as I was promoted to VP but still receiving the same pay!
Megan Fox may not be the person you want your daughter to look up to... Transformers crew says, “she’s no Angelina. You see, Angelia is a professional. …dumb-as-a-rock …queen of talking trailer trash ...thankless, classless, graceless, and shall we say unfriendly bitch”. I read the entire article and every comment. The suspense, I hope it lasts.
Very embarrassing facebook updates…
These are literally, the crappiest jobs of all time. Very educational…
Amazing inventions destined to doom humanity.
I cannot imaging spending $200 grand on this West Texas vacation home…but that’s just me.
20 Motivational Posters For Men