Mrs. Crane and I went to Southlake to see the movie, “Bruno” this afternoon after she watched the trailers on the Internet. I didn’t ask what it was about, or even care for that matter… but that will never happen again!
The first thing I found odd was the theatre employees were asking for IDs at the ticket booth and at the movie entrance. That should have been the first red flag, but I just thought it part of the ritzy area we chose to grace. Now, I realize that every spirited high school kid in the nation will be trying to get in to see this insanely extreme attempt of comedy!
An accurate description/review was "Balls~Out Revolutionary", since his shaven and waxed package was hanging out most of the movie. Sexual & racial overtones of the highest magnitude plagued the screen. I sum up this carnage with 4 words: shocking, perverse, disturbing & hilarious.
As funny as it was, my first recommendation is: don’t go see it! If you feel you must witness this highly offensive folly, I urge you to get smashed before going. It had flashes of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Talladega Nights, The Nevada Bunny Ranch and David does Darell.
It was obvious that the guest stars who appeared were clueless as to the agenda of the director/actor aka Sacha Baron Cohen aka Borat. He made Paula Abdul’s publicist so angry that they blurred his face since he probably wouldn’t permit them to show him in the film. Christians, Muslims, Ministers, homosexuals, actors, a US Senator and people from Alabama and Arkansas were unknowingly denigrated, insulted, exploited and offended in this disgustingly staged reality drama. Jerry Springer X 100
I am a pretty open-minded individual when it comes to sex and comedy, but I felt a bit like Eminem when he got a face full of Cohen's crotch. A man must be very secure in his sexuality to keep from walking out of the theatre.
Mrs. Crane laughed uncontrollably. I found myself unable to catch my breath a few times. I am far from a prude, but this was as "over the top' as it gets. Personally, as funny as it was, I think the world would be a better place if this movie was never made.
Lastly, if your child is under 18 and asks you to take him/her to see it, DO NOT! As a matter of fact, don't even let them go to a movie with a friend without saying "no" to this show. Even as an educated adult, I had trouble grasping the sexually satirical behavior. This will probably become a very popular cult comedy film of the lowest order. I'm not going to mince words concerning the content and consequence of “Bruno”. Cohen is repulsive!
But, as always, I could be wrong,
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Mrs. Crane and I went to Southlake to see the movie, “Bruno” this afternoon after she watched the trailers on the Internet. I didn’t ask what it was about, or even care for that matter… but that will never happen again!
May the bleeding piles forsake you
And corns adorn your feet;
May crabs as big as horseshoes
Crawl on your balls and eat;
And when your old and feeble,
a syphalitic wreck;
May your backbone fall through your a$$hole
And break your f@#king neck!
as orated by the late
Decatur attorney Bill Nobles,
may he rest in peace...
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for chocolate and one for regular milk?'
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties.. Mine say five to six.'
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read : 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew.. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget....this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
1. Quitting when the going gets tough; abandoning the responsibility entrusted to you by your neighbors for book advances and to make money on the lecture circuit.
2. Bizarre move that will damn ambitions for higher office.
I bet when people saw Jade they were convinced that David Caruso was pullin' a Palin.
Just when I thought I had seen everything!
Who suffers worse in a bad economy?
We had no idea how many ambassadorships we could sell…
Congress exempt from FOIA; Declines to release count on “Cap and Trade” calls
Fort Worth teacher caught parking with 16 year old student. Married w/2 kids.
America needs an enema!
Friday, July 10, 2009
There's a morality test with only one question, but a very important one. It features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a choice. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
You are in Florida . There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to shoot career-making photos.There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
Suddenly you see a man and a woman in the water. They are fighting for their lives, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow they look familiar.You suddenly realize who they are. It's Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi!!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take them under forever. You have two options: You can save their lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the deaths of two of the world's most powerful people.
Here's the question, and please give an honest answer...
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
This acronym stands for "Great Depression #2." It's shorthand for the seemingly imminent collapse of the global economic system starting in late 2008 and continuing into 2009. Some professional economists, as well as ordinary working people, are fearful that the spiralling financial meltdown will lead to a decade-long repeat of the 1930s, complete with bread lines, soup kitchens, radical uprisings and the possibility of global violence. "Happy times are here again!"
"The collapse of AIG is just one more sign that GD2 is here, my friends."
As the President's advisor on Homeland Security, I am passing along the following message from Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary of Health and Human Services, Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security, and Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education, who are leading the efforts to prepare our Nation for the coming flu season.
This spring we were confronted with an outbreak of a troubling flu virus called 2009-H1N1. As the fall flu season approaches, it is critical that we reinvigorate our preparedness efforts across the country in order to mitigate the effects of this virus on our communities.
Today, we are holding an H1N1 Influenza Preparedness Summit in conjunction with the White House to discuss our Nation's preparedness. We are working together to monitor the spread of 2009-H1N1 and to prepare to initiate a voluntary fall vaccination program against the 2009-H1N1 flu virus, assuming we have a safe vaccine and do not see changes in the virus that would render the vaccine ineffective.
But the most critical steps to mitigating the effects of 2009-H1N1 won't take place in Washington — they will take place in your homes, schools and community businesses.
Taking precautions for this fall's flu season is a responsibility we all share. Visit Flu.gov to make sure you are ready and learn how you can help promote public awareness.
We are making every effort to have a safe and effective vaccine available for distribution as soon as possible, but our current estimate is that it won't be ready before mid-October. This makes individual prevention even more critical. Wash your hands regularly. Take the necessary precautions to stay healthy and if you do get sick, stay home from work or school.
We are doing everything possible to prepare for the fall flu season and encourage all Americans to do the same — this is a shared responsibility and now is the time to prepare. Please visit Flu.gov to learn what steps you can take to prepare and do your part to mitigate the effects of H1N1.
Kathleen, Janet and Arne
I feel so much safer now that I believe someone's releasing a stronger strain of the H1N1 virus.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Occasionally, a light bulb goes off above my head. After I expell the gas, an interesting thought or idea pops in... today it was a new term:
Kneecapped & betrade bill ~ a forthright and physically descriptive term for the Waxman-Markey Bill aka "cap & trade bill" meant to bend the public over and take their money in the name of
You heard it here first... I hope.
Pro-0bamacara advocates plan rallies in Texas. How much you want to bet ACORN & Americorps are behind this life-threatening bill? I would support a rally against it if held at the same time and place...
Stimulus aid overwhelmingly given to places that supported 0bama in last year’s presidential election. The payoff continues!
New York City Council honors Islam on 9/11. New York liberals are such c@cksuckers…
White House cost to control the press is $5 million a year, just in salaries.
Something large has been pillaging heavily fortified buckets of feed at my home… so I found a humane live trap to catch it.
The principal that expertise on a certain subject can be gained through geographical proximity to it
Gov. of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is a proclaimed expert on foreign affairs with Russia due to Alaska`s proximity to Russia and can thus be called the "Sarah Palin Effect"
In DC, tens of millions of dollars are betting on the cap & trade energy bill. If you knew exactly what stocks would multiple 10-20 times over the energy bill, would you buy the stock? If you were a member of the US Congress, do you think Bank of America or Citibank would loan you money to buy stock?
I believe this is another government redistribution ponzi scheme that has been bought and paid for! People vote their bank account, this includes members of Congress.
I make this prediction: Congress will pass cap & trade after saving trillions by radically modifying the healthcare bill.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.
With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership.
Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:
You have to love this lawyer .........
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
"Your letter regarding title in Case No..189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France, in 1803 the year of origin identified in our application..
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus's expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana .. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it and the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our damn loan?"
The loan was approved.
A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine, shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, its called turpentine."
The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."
The little boy replied, "You take some of this turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson."
Striking Bell Helicopter workers furious that company is bringing in replacement workers.
Sorry guys, you picked a bad time to strike. There are 25 people for every one of you that would be happy with your job. Unions in Texas don’t have the same strength as in New York and New Jersey. They brought these people in from Bell in Kansas.
The Canadian Free Press reports, “First Lady requires more than twenty attendants”. I’m sure she can identify with people who live on main street.
So Much for 'Energy Independence'
What kind of Libertarian are you?
New Universal Embryo Test Can Detect 15,000 Genetic Diseases ~ just another reason for abortions
Iraqis celebrate Joe Biden’s visit by burning American flags!
I’m not the only one that has a problem with POS Barney Frank
Olbermann calls Dick Chaney ”as insane as a terrorist”.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Is Wii indoctrinating youth when they play, ” Fight and Die for the NOW” aka New World Order?
Then I saw what the Saudis were doing to indoctrinate their youth and the video game seemed less disturbing. More here
FEMA Camps, locations & executive orders. ~ Did you know executives orders bypass Congress? Here's a list
Missouri National Guard Train to Kill “Militia Insurgents” in Exercise… watching Tea Parties closely or just paranoia?
August 14, 2002: Atty. Gen. John Ashcroft's announced desire for camps for U.S. citizens he deems to be "enemy combatants"
If Barack 0bama teaches American politicians anything, it’s that the most convincing liar wins. As long as a politician tells everyone what they want to hear; promises them everything they ask for and keeps away from sex scandals, he/she has a damn good chance of becoming popular, which wins elections.
Let's face reality. We live in a hedonistic society where the masses are more concerned about their weekend than the state of their freedoms. Complacency in America is running rampant. We expect our politicians to be dishonest and corrupt; but that’s okay as long as the government leaves us alone to make a living and enjoy our lives.
Ninety-five percent (95%) of the American population is piss ignorant about politics. They either don't care or don't want to know. Of that 95%, just under 68% are registered voters; and of that 68% of registered voters, 64% of them actually vote, according to the 2006 census. Many of those who vote either vote party lines; who they like from watching commercials; or they may just like the way the name looks on the ballot.
Today, control and acquisition of our nation’s wealth through big business and taxation seems to be what our politicians propose. Ignorance and complacency will allow them to achieve their objective. To be in command of the US government is for patriots, not patronizers.
Successful politicians promise everyone everything to become elected. They must payoff their most active and loyal contributors, no matter what they promise the people. It’s a vicious cycle that has destroyed every advanced society since the beginning of time.
Popularity is hard to come by for most politicians on the national level; especially if they are conservative. Attempting to cut spending and really reform the government machine is next to impossible. The avaricious quest for power and money controls the members of the most powerful organization in the world.
I hate liars. I abhor those who compromise their integrity for personal gain. I know it’s human nature to desire wealth; but attaining it at the expense of others is despicable.
God Bless America, and may God smite those who lead her astray.
To use Facebook as a platform to brag. Normally about a job, internship, trip, purchase or anything else that nobody really needs to know but you'd like to tell everyone because you're awesome.
Sample Facebook Status: Jane Stephens is headed to London with her new iPhone for her 2nd JOB INTERVIEW!!!!! :))))
"Hey, did you see Jane's newest Facebrag? Eesh."
Former GITMO detainee leads fight against troops in Afghanistan. Thank you President Bush!
Dallas Woman Gunned Down Walking Home From Church ~ ~ One shouldn’t quarrel with Texas women…
College paper shows 0bama was a raving anti-American kook and the MSM waits until after the election to release it.
Wife blows MI6 chief’s cover on Facebook
Should The "M" Word Be Banned From Television?
Christians attacked at a Michigan Arabfest questions booth
Monday, July 6, 2009
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, " I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months ."
Earl spits, sips his beer and says, " Better think it over... women like that are hard to find ."
Perhaps resigning from her first term in office may hurt Mrs. Palin's attempts to run for higher office. Even I, a Palin supporter, now have qualms about her seeking higher office. But politics is not the most important way to influence our country, and reinforce conservatism's relevancy in the current global disorder. Media is. Andrew Breitbart opinion/analysis
Where the young generation in a family adopts and purchases new technology product at a fast rate, and old versions (that are in working order but are not up to current standards) of that technology product are given to the parents or older generations of family.
Republican US Senator booed at Austin Capital Tea Party! GOD BLESS those non-partisan Texans! I wonder if it was racism...straight up?
It’s things like this that make liberals hate Sarah Palin!
Joe Biden encourages more terrorist attacks on Iraq! We need more politicians like this.
Another UFO? You make the call!
Will Your ID Soon Be a Microchip Under Your Skin ?
Democrats don’t want to lose a money-maker like Chris Dodd!
US gives Israel permission to attack Iran! Let the fun begin!
UPDATE: Now Saudis give go-ahead for Israel to smoke Iran…
Sunday, July 5, 2009
On July 4, 2009, the city of Pasadena, California, will celebrate independence by erecting checkpoints to search vehicles for fireworks. “Violators are subject to confiscation and impound of vehicles, up to one year in jail and fines up to $50,000,”…
John Adams is probably rolling over in his grave.
Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference ro om table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the sec ond man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already messed in my pants...'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart .
when a joke is said quietly to a friend and that friend repeats it loud enough for the entire room to laugh.
teacher: belgium is the cockpit of europe, and im not talking about aeroplanes
student 1: (to friend) i dont think anyone was thinking about planes
friend: haha, (loud) MISS! i dont think anyone was thinking about planes!
student 1: dude u totally poached my joke