In my hand I hold a ball,
White and dimpled and rather small.
Oh how bland it does appear,
This harmless looking little sphere.
By its size I could not guess,
The awesome strength it does possess.
But since I fell beneath its spell,
I’ve wandered through the fires of hell.
My life has not been quite the same,
Since I chose to play this stupid game.
It rules my mind for hours on end,
A fortune it has made me spend.
It has made me curse and made me cry,
And hate myself and want to die.
It promises me a thing called par,
If I hit it straight and far.
To master such a tiny ball,
Should not be very hard at all.
But my desires the ball refuses,
And does exactly as it chooses.
It hooks and slices, dribbles and dies,
And disappears before my eyes.
Often it will have a whim,
To hit a tree or take a swim.
With miles of grass on which to land,
It finds a tiny patch of sand.
Then has me offering up my soul,
If only it would find the hole.
It made me whimper like a pup,
And swear that I will give it up.
And take to drink to ease my sorrow,
But the ball knows, I’ll be back tomorrow!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
I told him what his fast talking salesman had told me last year. That these fancy windows would pay for themselves in just one year!
I then exclaimed, "Well, it's been a year! Obviously, your salesman lied!"
There was complete silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.... You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently.
To which he answers, "I think you're bad luck. Get the hell away from me!"
Thursday, January 27, 2011
noun, verb: the result of or act of reaching the apex or climax of boredom; Filling one's capacity for boredom to the extreme boundary
Dude, this class is so boring that I just boregasmed
Oh yeah? Well I had three classes today...triple boregasm.
After only 2 years and several million dollars, the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission has found that the financial crisis of 2008 could have been avoided.
No shit! Ya think?
Of course, political parties want to blame each other as well as several men who are no longer in office. But there are a few who are still hold an office; including one Timothy F. Geithner, who was head of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York at the time. I feel much better knowing he is now the Secretary Treasurer of the United States.
Feel free to read the propoganda at the New York Times
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."
"Well," said the big Croc, "what have you been eating?"
"Politicians, same as you," replied the small Croc.
"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"
"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?"
"Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase."
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
‘…Ralph Waldo Emerson said that, “Nothing great has ever been achieved withoutenthusiasm.” The word enthusiasm comes from ancient Greek - en and theos, meaning God. And the related word enthousiazein means “to be possessed by a god.” With enthusiasm you will find that you don’t have to do it all by yourself. In fact, there is nothing of significance that you can do by yourself. Sustained enthusiasm brings into existence a wave of creative energy, and all you have to do then is “ride the wave.”’
h/t Judy Jetson
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then you are probably the family dog...
Monday, January 24, 2011
Let me see if I've got this straight...
My taxes are being used to pay the attorney's fees of the executives responsible for the greatest worldwide financial crisis in my lifetime?!?!
And we're talking about a figure north of $130 million...
Please forgive me Lord, but may they rot in hell; as well as the sunzsabiches responsible for paying their bills!
Kindest personal regards,
I heard some very disconcerting news about the Wise County Tea Party meeting last Saturday in Decatur. The keynote speaker expressed his view that the government should legalize dope.
This does not sound like a meeting held by a group that encourages conservative values. It definitely doesn't promote unity among conservatives. The Tea Party movement advocates conservative values, although many believe it's only about government spending and taxation.
If the Tea Party movement is not a local "grassroots" movement, then it's an "astroturf" movement, just as Nancy Pelosi accused. If the local Tea Party group wants to change the platform, I suggest they start their own movement or subscribe to one that fits their objectives.
The Tea Party movement was organized because both parties turned away from conservative values and continue to repudiate our Constitution. By in large, the Tea Party supports the Republican Party Platform, especially those concerning conservative values, despite the problem with RINOS. If Republican politicians don't advocate their own party's values, the Tea Party does not support them, period!
Voting for "the lesser evil" is no longer acceptable. Tea Party members could care less about political party affiliation and all about the conservative values of each individual politician. Keep in mind, Tea Party members still believe politicians are public servants.
Don't take my word for it. Tea Party politicians are dividing the Republican Party over conservative, constitutional values. House Majority leader John Boehner wants the Republican Party to rule the House of Representatives; Tea Party politicians want conservative ideals enforced, no matter whose thunder they steal. Our government cannot survive political party hatred, nor the separation of Church and state.
Boehner and company say they are "less interested in political grandstanding". That's hard for me to believe after I watched them censure and read the Constitution on the floor of the House and then hopelessly vote to repeal Obamacare. No grandstanding my ass!
Even more disturbing is the new Republican leadership want to work "within the system" with Democrats to "get things done". Tea Partyists don't believe they can effectively work within a system that's broken. It's like eating soup with a fork.
During a speech in Indonesia, President Obama said America's motto was "E pluribus unum", Latin for "Out of many, one". In actuality, our national motto is "In God We Trust", adopted in 1956. I can understand why "the one" would prefer "E pluribus unum" over God; take God out of the U.S. Constitution and it is man who gives us our inalienable rights. If man gives us those rights, then man can take them away. Is it any wonder that the world does not trust the United States government?
I, for one, support the Tea Party movement as long as it advocates conservative values and embraces the U.S. Constitution as written. If it promotes secular, materialistic, illegal, immoral, militaristic or unconstitutional ideals, don't expect the American majority to stand around and watch our country continue to self-destruct.
But I could be wrong...
Edit: FYI, Personally, I support the decriminalization of marijuana.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"