Money cannot buy happiness, but it is more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.
Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they are in trouble again.
Many people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
h/t the Gaspasser
Enjoy your weekend, you only get so many...