"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

by Jeff Foxworthy

• You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
  

• You own a $3,000 machine gun, but you can't afford shoes.
  

• You have more wives than teeth.
  

• You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
  

• You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
  

• You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
  

• You consider television dangerous, but carry explosives in your clothing.
  

• You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs
  

• You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
  

• You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
  

• Your cousin is president of the United States.
  

h/t Madman Mango