Well, I'm heartbroken. No sooner than I bragged about the incredibly gorgeous Megyn Kelly adding me as her friend on Facebook, she dumped me. I can't blame her. She's a fine Christian woman who doesn't need to be associated with someone as controversially unclean as myself. The list of my blog vices are abundant. I post risque photos of hot women, use all sorts of politically incorrect content, spout profane language on occasion, tell foul jokes and exhibit bigoted tendencies. For these vices, I apologize; but if you prefer a mouse instead of a man, you need to take your ass on over to Perez' blog!
After extensive investigation, I discovered that the entire incident was a hoax conducted by Blackwater at the behest of the CIA in order to find Osama Bin Laden and Jimmy Hoffa. I am putting John Edwards on retainer Monday. Furthermore, after I performed an intensive search for Megyn on Facebook last night, I found that she doesn't even exist.
Although devastated and dejected, I will continue to get out of bed and have coffee with her in the mornings. Regrettably, I don't know that our relationship will ever be quite the same due to the irreparable damage to my enormous ego.
In conclusion, I want to thank those of my friends who have chosen to put up with my irreverent behavior. I will not turn state's evidence on you, unless they let Megyn waterboard me; as I remain...
awaiting re-education camp,
Denney Crane
1 comment:
To Denney Crane...
You may not be Meagan Kelly's brand of crazy but you sure are my brand of crazy. I do not agree with all, perhaps even most, of your opinions but I most certainly respect the fact that they are well thought out opinions that are earnestly held by someone who walks their talk.
Good work, Mr. Crane.
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