Funny play on words used by successful management types. Can be combined with finger guns for the ultimate combo.
Supervisor: Hey Joe! Working hard or hardly working? Hahahaha.
Joe: Hahahahaha! You're the best boss ever!
Urban Dictionary
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Pop term of the day:
working hard or hardly working
working hard or hardly working
About your child...
These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded, but boy are these funny and likely appropriate.
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
Friday, January 15, 2010
CDC Issues New Warning on
Gonorrhea Lectim
Gonorrhea Lectim
WASHINGTON, D.C. ~ The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of a Sexually Transmitted Disease.
The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior.
The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. And it's pronounced "gonna re-elect 'im."
Many victims contracted it in 2008
Now after having been screwed for the past two years, naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive this disease has become since it is so easily cured...
Short stories for men, by men
I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said, "Mourning?."
He said, "No, just taking a sh!t."~ ~ ~ ~ ~ When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!"
She looked at me and yelled, "You did this to me, you bastard!"
I casually replied, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it some where else, but you said, 'That would hurt too much'."~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup.. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I was walking down the road and saw my Afghani neighbor Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's wrong, Abdul? Won't it start?"
Pop term of the day: abc sex
Sex only on Anniversaries, Birthdays and Christmas
They've been married so long they only have abc sex
Urban Dictionary
Rambling on...
After rioting in the streets and burning mattresses, UT fans want to remove all traces of Lane Kiffin, so an apparel store in Knoxville is taking up old Kiffin gear to ship to the earthquake victims in Haiti. At least someone benefits…
So, how else do you climb aboard a train if you’re a backhoe?
Talk about a stroll down memory lane. Seeing all the Bond girls sure takes me back…
The squirreliest photos I have ever seen…
WARNING! GRAPHIC ~The top 10 most horrific parasitic infections! And I just thought my tapeworm was gross…
This week’s exotic car crashes … what a waste!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Pope Visits Alaska
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers with "Go Sarah T-Shirts" came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp.
Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over.
'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?'
'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.'
'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"
Pop term of the day: FMTPO
Abbreviation of "For me to poop on." Popularised by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog of "Late Night with Conan O'Brian" fame.
"Yeah, Kirk. That was great acting, Kirk, really great acting...FMTPO!!!" -
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to William Shatner on the occasion of his visit to the "Late Night with Conan O'Brian" show, regarding Shatner's acting in the original television series "Star Trek."
Urban Dictionary
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