A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely tore off the driver's door.
Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche, his lights flashing. But, before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same no matter how hard the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers really are,' he said. 'You're so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.'
'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.
The officer replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!'
'OH, MY GOD!' screamed the lawyer.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
So how do you perpetuate all out war on the Mexican border? Let the ATF give criminals automatic weapons and watch the killing begin! It's okay to let American tourists and border families be murdered, but let a couple of federal agents get gunned down and they're blowing the whistle from the mountain tops. It's time to put a few congressmen in jail!
By Allan Lengel
A variety of federal agent voiced “anguished objections” over an ATF operation that allowed guns to be smuggled in Mexico so they could be traced to the top levels of the drug cartels, the Los Angeles Times reports.
The paper reported that the operation known as “Operation Fast and Furious” lost track of hundreds of firearms, many which have been linked to crimes including the murder of a Border Patrol agent last December.
“With the number of guns we let walk, we’ll never know how many people were killed, raped, robbed,” ATF agent John Dodson said in an interview with the Center for Public Integrity, according to the LA Times. “There is nothing we can do to round up those guns. They are gone.”
Dodson said in that interview that he was still haunted by his participation in the operation, the Times reported.
The paper reported that “ATF said agents took every possible precaution to assure that guns were recovered before crossing into Mexico.”
ATF spokesman Scot L. Thomasson said the operation is under evaluation, according to the Los Angeles Times.
“It’s always a good business practice to review any new strategy six or eight months after you’ve initiated it, to make sure it’s working, that it’s having the desired effect, and then make adjustments as you see fit to ensure it’s successful,” he said.
Meanwhile, Washington Post editorial page editor Fred Hiatt wrote in a column on Friday after meeting with Mexico’s President Felipe Calderon, that the president said the flow into Mexico of assault weapons like AK-47s rose “exponentially” after Congress let a ban on the sale of assault weapons expire in 2004.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
"We basically decided on principle that we couldn't work for a country that was using snipers on rooftops to pick off its citizens."
Gregory L. Vistica, president of the Washington Media Group, which dropped Tunisia as a public relations client after that nation cracked down on protesters.
credit: New York Times
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!"
And the husband replied, "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments..
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans that you bought a couple years back, but don't wear because you say they not the "in" name this year.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same."
The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'"
Monday, February 28, 2011
After sitting on the toilet to poop, you notice that there is less than one-quarter of a roll of toilet paper, and no spare in the bathroom. You decide to poop anyway, gambling on the fact you will have enough toilet paper to have a satifying wipe.
Husband: "Honey, I just played Russian Toilette, and lost"
Wife: "Sucks to be you. Try not to bite your fingernails"