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You gay boys stop protesting Churches… Go to Russia and fit right in!

The latest in exclusive subdivisions… I Love Bacon

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down. Don't dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?

When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower.
Hear the music, before the song is over.

HIGH SCHOOL -- 1958 (er-79) vs. 2008

Scenario 1:

Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.

1958 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2008 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario 2:

Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1958 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2008 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario 3:

Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.

1958 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2008 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1958 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2008 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1958 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.

2008 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:

Pedro fails high school English.

1958 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.

2008 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:

Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.

1958 - Ants die.

2008- ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:

Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1958 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2008 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

And Now for Something Completely different...

I don't know that I would feel completely comfortable walking in this store...

A fitness model who could break you in two. Please, may I be first?

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Everyday Rules for a Good Wife! 100% success rate for over 50 years! Saltymilk

Extreme body contortion! Wolf!

Guess who is calling Obama a racist name... Attu World

10 Fascinating last pictures taken! List Universe

Iraqi wedding gone wrong! He only made this mistake once!

Fridays can be freaky...

Don’t ever come between a law student and his laptop!

This looks like it could be quite a rush! Of course, we could never do this in the USA due to the liability issues!

This would have hurt if she wasn’t knocked out!

Speaking of back flips gone wrong…

How to destroy a perfectly good ATV!

Okay, here’s your chance to triple your money in 2 years or less! Never say Denney Crane didn’t give you a hot tip!

And in other News...

Gallup Poll says Republicans want the GOP to become more conservative??? It's about damn time!

The liberal left is becoming very concerned about Obamas campaign promises… OMG!!!

A literate Christian author gives his thoughts about the election…and I have to agree with the man!

Joe the Plumber’s files improperly researched? What are they gonna do, tickle the perpetrator?

Oh, and by the way, Iran has just enough plutonium for only one nuclear weapon. I feel safer already!

What Causes Arthritis?

A drunk man who smelled like gin sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized' "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

And these predictions just in from a friend's Blackberry...

"Blacktips are saying gov. Gives bail out to the unions
Stocks plummet even further
In turmoil- the world will slow to a crawl- gm shuts down
Less then 3 months, ford holds in at less then a $1 stock.
unemployment hits all time High across the country
Democrats take in god we trust off the US currency because they feel it upsets the nation.
The bird I call Picnick is the one who told me this, he will turn 847 feb.20th he also said Oboma will set in power 4 yrs.
A Catholic man will follow as president with a huge backing of christian people and will get country back in order.
Looks like we plant gardens and fish for a while."
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Response

"D######, your black tip (Picnic) must be getting all his information from cha cha chewy, he's a rainbow weave tail mexican fighting chicken. His prediction matches yours! oh FYI Chewy was undefeated last year 55-0 with 48 kills and 7 by default"

Videos for the visual men...and ladies as well.

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You're not gonna like this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now for something a little different...

Just in case you need some writing inspiration. . . Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with wisdom that only comes from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

Wednesday is a good day!

Don't mince words, tell us how you really feel!

Penguin narrowly escapes death from 3 killer whales… most suspenseful! Totally Crap

Talk about a refreshing outlook?

Top 13 Worst Things to Vomit! Epic Carnival

10 Fun Moments in Female Beer Bong History! Uncoached

I would not want to be the driver of this boat…

No more Pledge of Allegiance in Elementary School Room!

Sorry kids, you must leave the room to say the Pledge of Allegiance!

Guess who’s out in public acting like a nice little Democrat…

Talk about blasting Decatur and their news reporting…and I though I was the only one who noticed…

Republicans taxing and acting like Democrats. And for such a prestigious institution!

On the lighter side of Tuesday...

Who Needs Pockets???

Not so funny!

Monday's News

I like the way she thinks!

Please, please, please… let my tax dollars be used to pay for the healthcare costs of the Big 3 Automaker’s employees and retirees.

If you truly believe Obama’s going to keep his campaign promises, you must read this article carefully so you might use alien intelligence for it’s justification!

Obama picks presidential assassin’s lawyer as White House counsel!

And even more change!

Do you think it will work or is it just more lip service?

Terrorists celebrate their warm and fuzzy love and unity.

And now for the local Scuttlebut…

Don't try to help fix the economy, you could very easily lose your home!